Work out Marriage Problems

Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife (1 Corinthians 7:10-11)

I’ve often stated it this way: When you get married, regardless of the former circumstances, it becomes the will of God for you to stay married. The will of God for our lives in found in the Word, not in subjective circumstance.

In the above verses, Paul addresses the relationship between two believers in a marriage relationship. He tells both husband and wife that God’s best is that they not divorce when they have difficulties. He acknowledges that at times someone will succumb to the pressures of life and divorce, and in that case he tells believers to remain unmarried for a period of time because as long as they both remain unmarried, there is the possibility of restoring the relationship.

Susan and I have been married 30 years next month! She’s had a lot to put up with in me! We made a decision before we were married that when married, we would never consider separation or divorce as a way to solve problems that would arise.

Just like everyone else, we’ve had disagreements and challenges over the years. That comes with just being human! But we both made the choice to deal with ourselves and to let the Father deal with us.

For two believers, unless there is unrepentant infidelity involved, or physical abuse, they should work together to solve their problems. Separation and divorce do not solve problems. Separation often creates a sense of false peace and removes the immediate pressure to problem solve together. And divorce doesn’t solve the problems either; those that go that route may find themselves dealing with the same problems they had in the previous relationship.

Some people say, well, we have marriage problems. Actually, it isn’t the marriage that is having the problem, it’s the two people that make up the marriage that have personal issues that they must face and deal with! Marriage problems are people problems!

God hates divorce because it hurts people, it wounds children, and it weakens society. For us Christians, we have tools available to us to help solve our personal problems that hinder marriage. We have the Word of God to believe and obey. We have the fruit of the spirit that we must choose to develop. We have the Holy Spirit that will help us change. We have the spiritual strength that comes from praying. We have the ability to pray the perfect will of God by praying in the spirit. We have the authority to command Satan to take his hands off of us and our family. And we can avail ourselves of the help of other loving believers as well as personal ministry within the local church. We must use what God provides.

Work on your marriage today by working on yourself. You can change yourself. You can’t change your wife, and you’ll frustrate her and yourself if you try! Keep yourself built up in the Word. Pray for your spouse and for the Father to watch over you and your marriage. Ask for His help. Ask for His wisdom and strength. Refuse the taunting of the enemy to compromise with the influences of the world.

3 thoughts on “Work out Marriage Problems

  1. "For two believers, unless there is unrepentant infidelity involved, or physical abuse, they should work together to solve their problems."

    Does this mean that all other types of abuse are okay and acceptable in the eyes of our Lord? Since abuse is a progressive evil, where does one draw the line?

  2. I assume you're speaking of emotional and/or verbal abuse.

    It's very hard to determine what emotional abuse is and where to draw a line.I have been involved in marriage counseling for many years and have seen the extremes. One person will call a raised voice emotional abuse while another is dealing with a person with a bi-polar disorder who is unstable emotionally and says and does things to provoke a given response.

    To some degree, we as believers are called to suffer injustice and to love those who treat us harshly (Please read 1 Peter 2:18-25). What I just said is not popular in this "me pleasing" age. All of us at times say and do things that harm others.

    So, when it comes to dealing with what is and isn't verbal and emotional abuse, it usually takes a third party with a good ear and good ol' common sense wisdom to speak into the situation.

    There are many variables and factors to consider. I suggest to anyone who says they are being emotionally abuse that they should seek counsel from their pastoral staff or community counseling professionals.

  3. All due respect Pastor, the church keep women in bondage because of that type of thinking. When a victim is starting to come out of denial and wants to discuss or disclose her predicament to others, the reactions of friends and associates vary. Disclosing abuse can be risky and dangerous. Some people minimize the seriousness of the situation and imagine they can patch it up with a few words of advice or prayer. Others take the abuser’s side and blame the victim. Fellow Christians may question her faith, her Christian walk, or the standard of her forgiveness. Since many perpetrators claim they’ve been treated unfairly, some genuine victims are frightened of making the same claim because they don’t want to be characterized as false accusers. Bystanders who do believe the victim often think she must be stupid to have put up with the abuse and ask judgmentally, “Why didn’t you leave?” Other bystanders feel so uncomfortable they don’t know what to say, and this makes the victim feel ignored, shunned or judged.

    I divorced my husband after enduring abuse for 12 years. During those 12 years the "pastoral" leadership clobbered me over the head with, stay, stay, stay… meanwhile counseling never worked and I suffered 12 years too long. So did my children. In the end it was not best for me or me children to stay. The damage of staying had worse affects than if I had of left when my intuition told me to leave.

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